Sex, Gender and Sexuality

They say "love is blind"… It does not see caste, region, religion etc. - agreed, but does it also not see sex? …if someone said "love does not see sex" 10 years ago, I would have thought they were crazy but as I grew older, thankfully I realised that its ok for a boy to love a boy just like its ok for him to love a girl. Same rules apply even to a girl… it's important to say or write this here because it's not easy for an Indian coming from a background like mine to even Imagine that something like this is even remotely possible. To start with, let's understand what sex, gender and sexuality mean and then we may have a better understanding on how a person chooses another person to love….

Sex – It's what's in your pants and between in your legs.

Gender - What you think or feel you are in your mind

Sexuality/ orientation - Whom you like/love or whom you like to be loved by

How a brain functions for each individual is different and very complex from the rest and I think that's what makes us all unique. Having or liking or doing something different from what everyone likes or does not make anyone weird, it only makes one human - Just like everybody else.

Talking about Gay and lesbian relationship is way beyond my capacity. I don't feel qualified enough to elaborate on how they truly feel about same sex and what makes them do the things they do. Our People would think I or the person who addresses their issue is insane but what I would like to bring here is about the transgender community. I think they are most unfortunate people to be born in an environment such as ours.

The only memory I have of a transgender is the fear they bring in whenever they come either for a wedding or when the girl reaches her puberty or during the train journeys. Everyone gets threatened by them; we need to give them they money they have asked for. A rupee less than what's expected, they would curse and it's believed that the curse would become true. Now, 10 years forward and away from home, I see a transgender model is walking the ramp both for men and women, she is acting in the movies telling her side of the story and giving TED talks. They are no different than us! All this helped me understand why they are the way they are. Even though their sex is male, they are female gender. All they want is to be loved by another man, which woman doesn't? Who does not want to find that enchanting one true love? God put them in a male body but with a female heart and soul… Imagine yourself locked up in a cage unable to get out of it, how claustrophobic it would feel. It's the same feeling they would have, yearning to be someone physically they know they are at heart but appearing like someone they are not to rest of us. God gave them different software which is not compatible with the hardware, how is it their mistake? How can they be considered an abomination? The harsh behaviour we see from them back in our country could be only a defence mechanism they use to face the day to day troubles and setbacks they face being themselves. Its about time one opens the eyes of his mind and dusts all the rotten old pre-medieval thoughts and respect choices of others and co-exists.

I am happy that people in the US of A now have free will to choose who they want to be with but I know for the fact that expecting such a thing in India will be a more than a far cry. We have far worse problems to deal with. People are burnt alive if we marry with in different castes… parents threaten to die or kill if a rich person falls in love with a poor person. The intent of the blog is simple. Live and let live. Respect and earn yours. Love and be loved. It's that simple!

9 things my baby taught me!!!

While they say mother is the first and best teacher for the child, there are certain things which only babies are blessed with and it's sad that they outgrow amazing qualities like these when they grow up. Here are those essential qualities my baby has taught me which remind us why it is best to be have a baby's heart even after growing up:



1)      She knows Mom is best: it's amazing to see how baby smells the scent of their mom and even without opening her eyes she knows she is safe with her mom and calms down, all she needs is the warmth of her mom. She taught me no matter who we are or have become, where we are, how old we are, we all need that one person we can make our cold hands warm and that person can be none other than our mom.

2)      Survival skills – she startles when she is moved from side to side, grips your hand when you leave her alone and knows exactly where to feed from. All this again with her eyes closed. Agree, education makes you understand life from a different perspective but for survival, all you need is yourself and your skills…..you can go have a fancy degree or work your ass off for an admission in the world's most prestigious school, for that would teach you science or art but not how to survive, its something we need to learn by yourself and through experience.

3)      Try, try harder – every day is a challenge for her, until she was 8months old, she used to hit her forehead on the ground at least 20-30 times in day while crawling and would lose balance, she cried her lungs out and would try it again until one day, without even realising there she was sweeping the entire park. Then it happened again when she put took first steps and again when she climbed steps… she still tries really hard at many things… surprised why we lose hope and give up when we get older…

4)      Smile, Laugh, Giggle – A research found out that Babies laugh more than 300 times a day, whereas adults laugh less than 20 times a day. How amazing is that? Their needs are basic, food, love and warmth. They don't care if you had put them in a fancy moses or just on the floor..if they are comfortable, they smile…. I wish our needs and expectations are that simple but Nope, we complicate our lives, link every silly thing to other silly thing and ponder over what went wrong than to just enjoy life as it comes. This reminds me of a video where a guy explains how men's brain is compartmentalised and how women's brain is …well…ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZzzzZZZzzz. lol. I must agree with him..

5)      If you need something, ask for it – well, she does not ask explicitly yet but has other weapons to use…. She needs milk, she cries…she needs food, she cries.. Anew toy, she cries ….it feels wet-need a diaper change, she cries ….feeling dull-need a hug, she cries…feeling cold-need a blanket, she cries …. Mind you, everything is not the same cry…after a certain period of time, you will guess what that cry was for….its amazing how babies even without a proper language tell us what they want and even after having multiple languages and scripts we don't express ourselves to the ones we love. It's time we get vocal. The clearer we are in our thoughts, the simpler our lives would get.

6)      Love has no language – she cannot say a phrase completely but the best and most meaningful conversations I had which left me completely mesmerised are the ones that I had with her and that is no exaggeration….at times when life feels less than ordinary, her re-assuring hands held mine almost guiding me through tough times, as though she knows I am upset and I need her…she knows when to give the warmest hugs and sweetest kisses… it's a gift which only babies can give and one should be lucky to live that moment…..she is my guardian angel

7)      Absolutely no ego- after being told off for dumping the flour on the floor or throwing mobile phone out of the balcony or for whacking the yoga instructor on the TV with a shoe, she would cry, hide in a small corner and then wait for you to smile and when she sees even a little bit of positive curve coming up on your lips, she would run at 100mph and jump on to your lap and shower you with kisses…. All she needs is me and she has no ego accepting it… I need to learn that from her, its ok to fight, but it's also essential to give up on fights and just let it go…just kind of pure unadulterated love, only a baby can give!

8)      Be at her best no matter what she is on – be it a flowy princess kind gown, or vest and brief or a nappy or just being naked (this I call the 'happy dress')….she just does not care what she is on as long as she is comfortable in it…. with a hat, with any other accessory, she just rocks anything she wears because she just simply does not care unlike us…. We try n different things product and worry if this suits us or the other one was better when all the while that mattered is you! Not your costly make-up or your stupid dress…. Those who like you will like you anyway and those who just say you look great/terrible in that dress don't really care the next minute they passed on that comment…

9)      Trust the one you are with completely – she likes these up in the air games, she wants her dad to throw her up and she would giggle and giggle even more when she alights, absolutely no fear coz she trusts that her father has her back and would never let her down…. … such blind trust is essential for any relationship, the sense of belonging and trust that the other person will never let us down when we fall….this one is tricky though, I am not saying about trusting the person you think you have, I am talking about the having the person you can trust….