It is said that “we should always look forward in life and never into our past”… I don’t know how far this is true but I believe that one should always remember the past where their life has started. It keeps you grounded and helps you take life as it comes… out of very few good things I have done in my life, one is that, I maintained a record of the happenings of my life…The good, the bad and the ugly…..Everything was poured into patient ears of something….. My Dairy! Truly, paper is more patient than person.
My mom reminds me that I was a very calm and stubborn girl. I never really mingled with many people… well, when I have a great company in the form of my dairy, why would I need someone else to keep me entertained. I guess, I am enough to keep myself busy. The other day, I was looking for some stuff over the attic when I found a book in al dust n rust… I pulled it hesitatingly so that the dust won’t affect me in a way it is meant to…I glared at it to realize that it was my dairy when I was …hmmm may be in my early teens… I read it and patted my back…It was hilarious to the core.
It begins with my first suicide attempt and it was written
“The physical pain would be less excruciating than the mental torture I am going through”
I took two drops of tincture Iodine which my father brought for wounds. I really don’t remember why I had to do that but I do remember why I used the word “excruciating”, because my 9th class teacher told the meaning of it in the class just the day before….else there is no way that I knew the meaning of such a heavy word at that age.. I can’t help but laugh at my stupidity.. I made sure my mom was watching me when I was doing this “nautanki”… I thought she would cry and hug me and would give what I wanted… she gave one tight slap instead…FULL STOP.
Then came my birthday, I wore this really pretty dress and loved the attention I was getting but sadly it was from the aunties and uncles in and around my neighborhood. I went to temple and saw from the corner of eye that somebody was watching me… I started pretending the usual girly girly stuff like fluttering my hair, making eye movement.. and made sure I was being noticed by him. He was the best damn cute thing I saw then. I was still doing the “pradhakshans” when he left. Before leaving, he again turned back and looked at me. My heart went “shala lala la”…. I forgot about the incident until I saw him again on the next Saturday when I went to temple… I didn’t see him then but I liked the attention I was being given. There ends the story! I didn’t see him again.. I don’t remember who he was and how he looked.. I only remember the butterflies in my stomach that day…. I wrote in my dairy
“renu…………don’t trust boys… men fall in love with eyes and girls with ears”… The so called heart break makes me laugh my wits out now…
Being the eldest in the family, I yearned for an elder brother. My projects were good but not as great as my friend’s coz their brothers would do it for them. ART classes, CRAFT classes and even music classes, I struggled to compete with the kids as they would be well prepared before as their elder siblings would guide them. I wrote an incident in my dairy which spoke of clay modeling competition and I wanted to make “lord ganesha”… my father took so much pain and made an animal which didn’t resemble anything like an elephant but it definitely did resemble a pig…. I cried and cried as it was a flop show… and my dad suggested me to take it to school and I followed his advice only to get more embarrassed… if there was any prize for the worst clay model.. My master piece would have bagged that…I didn’t talk to my father the whole day and I remember my father genuinely being hurt because of me. We kept that idol to scare the kids in near our neighborhood though!
There was a note of most important decisions which I have taken in my life because of which I am what I am today. I Took up MPC as my stream. I went against their will to pursue my engineering. I was selected for Satyam Interview and on the same day I had written exam for Infy. I chose Infy not realizing how much it would cost if I was not selected even in the written. When I go through my dairy now, there is sense of belonging which I can never feel for anything else. It makes me realize that success always comes from humble beginnings and that no matter how true you are to your friends you got to be true to yourself, coz, there is always a side of ours which even we are not aware of and my dairy makes me realize how foolish, funny, lovely and memorable my life has been. I really got to thank myself for doing this favor on myself:)
My mom reminds me that I was a very calm and stubborn girl. I never really mingled with many people… well, when I have a great company in the form of my dairy, why would I need someone else to keep me entertained. I guess, I am enough to keep myself busy. The other day, I was looking for some stuff over the attic when I found a book in al dust n rust… I pulled it hesitatingly so that the dust won’t affect me in a way it is meant to…I glared at it to realize that it was my dairy when I was …hmmm may be in my early teens… I read it and patted my back…It was hilarious to the core.
It begins with my first suicide attempt and it was written
“The physical pain would be less excruciating than the mental torture I am going through”
I took two drops of tincture Iodine which my father brought for wounds. I really don’t remember why I had to do that but I do remember why I used the word “excruciating”, because my 9th class teacher told the meaning of it in the class just the day before….else there is no way that I knew the meaning of such a heavy word at that age.. I can’t help but laugh at my stupidity.. I made sure my mom was watching me when I was doing this “nautanki”… I thought she would cry and hug me and would give what I wanted… she gave one tight slap instead…FULL STOP.
Then came my birthday, I wore this really pretty dress and loved the attention I was getting but sadly it was from the aunties and uncles in and around my neighborhood. I went to temple and saw from the corner of eye that somebody was watching me… I started pretending the usual girly girly stuff like fluttering my hair, making eye movement.. and made sure I was being noticed by him. He was the best damn cute thing I saw then. I was still doing the “pradhakshans” when he left. Before leaving, he again turned back and looked at me. My heart went “shala lala la”…. I forgot about the incident until I saw him again on the next Saturday when I went to temple… I didn’t see him then but I liked the attention I was being given. There ends the story! I didn’t see him again.. I don’t remember who he was and how he looked.. I only remember the butterflies in my stomach that day…. I wrote in my dairy
“renu…………don’t trust boys… men fall in love with eyes and girls with ears”… The so called heart break makes me laugh my wits out now…
Being the eldest in the family, I yearned for an elder brother. My projects were good but not as great as my friend’s coz their brothers would do it for them. ART classes, CRAFT classes and even music classes, I struggled to compete with the kids as they would be well prepared before as their elder siblings would guide them. I wrote an incident in my dairy which spoke of clay modeling competition and I wanted to make “lord ganesha”… my father took so much pain and made an animal which didn’t resemble anything like an elephant but it definitely did resemble a pig…. I cried and cried as it was a flop show… and my dad suggested me to take it to school and I followed his advice only to get more embarrassed… if there was any prize for the worst clay model.. My master piece would have bagged that…I didn’t talk to my father the whole day and I remember my father genuinely being hurt because of me. We kept that idol to scare the kids in near our neighborhood though!
There was a note of most important decisions which I have taken in my life because of which I am what I am today. I Took up MPC as my stream. I went against their will to pursue my engineering. I was selected for Satyam Interview and on the same day I had written exam for Infy. I chose Infy not realizing how much it would cost if I was not selected even in the written. When I go through my dairy now, there is sense of belonging which I can never feel for anything else. It makes me realize that success always comes from humble beginnings and that no matter how true you are to your friends you got to be true to yourself, coz, there is always a side of ours which even we are not aware of and my dairy makes me realize how foolish, funny, lovely and memorable my life has been. I really got to thank myself for doing this favor on myself:)
This article makes me feel like a stupid for not keeping a diary all these 25 yrs of my life. Better too late than never. You inspired me to keep a diary from now on :). Kudos !
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