I miss India! the use of colors in dressing, the Bindi's and the Choli's, The yummy street food, counting stars in the sky at night, the garam garam chai pakode on a rainy day, street shopping and bargaining with the shop keeper uncle, those small lanes and big loving hearts of our family and most importantly - Mom's food. Having said that, not everything is bad when you are away from India. some things are infact great outside India. so awesome that we Indians should also follow in our country.
It's been nearly 4 years that I am away from home and I supposedly consider
myself qualified to bring out the below things I noted. There may be million
other things missing/ to be added to this list but I am just bringing what
mattered to me most as a girl.
Age, gender – no
barrier: the moment I landed in US, I called for a cab service and saw
a 50 year old lady picking me up from the airport. Well, that was the first
time I was alone, taking a taxi! taking a taxi outside India! experiencing a
women drive a cab! As irrational as I may sound, I didn't trust a lady driving
a taxi as this is not a common sight in India, the drive on the left side of
the road in US only worsened my fears. I thanked god for reaching my destination
only to see most important posts are handled by Women. The gated community
owner, the Gym instructor, the security gaurd and the Bank officer of BOFA who helped me open my bank account. she was close to 80. I could count the nerves on her face and the colour
and sizes they were in and the wrinkles covering her lovely face, yet nothing
stopped her from typing my details in the laptop and having that precious smile
every time she made an eye contact with me. If there was one person whose
feature I could recall even after I came back from the US, it would be hers. The
day I met her was a beautiful day in summer and I absolutely loved her smiles
and I still remember the warmth she possessed. Such grace in such age…awesome! how many of us see women working beyond a certain age and taking up odd jobs in india? I saw none...
Having said that, I do appreciate the fact that women have
now started driving auto rickshaws and even metro rail in Chennai, not sure about other places. If they started,
then that's good! Baby steps towards better future.
Less suppression against women: they are free to wear what
they want, choose a career for themselves without being categorized that it's
not a career for a girl. I may be wrong but I feel there is less news about
rapes and violence against women. I have wondered why these rapes and dowry
cases are increasingly gaining attention in the Indian media. The only answer I could
come across is that women in India are becoming more aware of what's right and what's
wrong for them. These incidents have always existed in a patriarchal society such as
ours but now women are learning to say No. They are coming out of their cocoon and
saying that they have been subjected to harassment rather than going through the
harassment all through their life. A shocking reality struck me when a middle
aged woman when questioned about her husband's infidelity said "where ever
he goes, he will come back to me and even after all these years, he never left me after so many flings".
There was a sense of pride in her voice while her innocent eyes sparkled. I was
dumbfounded at the ground reality of our women. Women consider themselves as a
temple and husbands as god residing in them. There is no temple without god and there is no
outlook to women without a man, to which I completely disagree. Every woman has a
future of her own and it's not dictated by having or not having a man in her
life. The age old saying says "behind every successful man there is a women" , ever
wondered why a women is always asked or intended to be behind a man? I will leave the question with you guys to
ponder over.
Having a male
child, having a child for that matter: Being a mum has changed a lot of things in
my life. I am more persevering, more patient, more caring, I am now capable enough to put someone else
before me. Infact there was never a single day where I have had a peaceful
night's sleep after she was born. Even the dreams I have are like "is she warm enough?", "is her
diaper wet?", "is she hungry?". I guess every new mum has same
worries. Having said that I also realised a few things, as much miraculous it
may be to have a child, its completely ok not to want to have a baby or not to be
married. having a kid is not just bringing a child
into this world but caring for him until rest of your life. The mum-Baby relationship is
more sacred than marriage or your career, may be more than your own existence. I used to
be very judgemental about a few mommies when they leave babies at nurseries and
go back to work, letting the babies cry while doing their work or eating their
meal before feeding the child but now, I don't. there might be a lot more going on than what might appear to our eye and every mom knows what's best for her baby. Both my Mum and in
law wanted me to have a male child first. They told something about taking the
family heritage forward which I didn't quite get. How will the man take the heritage
forward when a woman is the one who bares a child. giving a sperm is never equal to giving birth to a child..NEVER.
if a male child was so important, then why queen of England has been famous for ages and no one cares about
her husband. Anyway, I am thankful to my
husband who always wanted a girl the moment I got pregnant, he even searched a
million names and ensured he kept a name that is Indian but not specific to a
region in India. He says Indian by name and Tamilian at heart, which I don't
deny.
Convenience
– travel is so easy. Close your eyes and pick a place in the map of London and
voila, hop into the tube and yuppie, you are at your destination. All you need
is your travel card and a stroller for your baby. You don't have to wait for
the train for hours. being a mum, You will get priority and the transport is friendly to women and
people with special needs. How many of us can imagine something like that in
India. We stamp people with disability as incapable of doing work whereas the fact is that govt is
incapable of providing them with proper facilities to travel, to learn and benefit from their
talent. It's a loss to our nation and not just to people with such needs. here, You go
anywhere you will find public toilets, feeding rooms for mom's and parks with
fully functional swings and slides for the babies. In India, With population outburst, there is growing need for space and hence deforestation and filling up the ponds with Mud to make extra space available
for new homes, I wonder if the situation would get any better for India coz as people multiply, resources would only get decimated
Dignity of labour –
This is a very important but most ignored aspect in india. I might be wrong but
having met a number of people doing blue collar jobs in india, I do get the
feeling that a maid is a maid first and then a human being. People dis-regard
those who are driving a cab or those who work at restaurant for money in India and boast
that their children are studying or working in the US/UK, but the not so grown up parents don't realise that their child is actually cleaning the tables at a posh US location in Mc.D or KFC or picking papers in
the railway station where its freezing cold just so that he could get that
extra pocket money he needs for his next semester. Why this hypocrisy? Why can't
we do the same stuff at our home, our land than slog in a foreign country..Aaahhhh! I see, False pride!!!!. I hope atleast
the next generation understands that the grass is not always green on the other
side and any job is a job as long as no one is getting hurt or cheated in the
process and it earns you happiness. Here
in UK/US, even the plumber, painter and electrician comes in car and talks
better English than us and since they dophysical job, they are even better looking
even at a ripe age.
Although nothing can match up to the beautiful weather all round the year, the love and warmth of people in our country, its high time we deal with our shit right here and right now to make india a better country....
